What they never tell you
by Phoenixian
Summary: No one ever said it would be easy...and maybe that's the fun of it. In this series of one shots from the marauders era, Lily and the Marauders face more than life's normal challenges as they fight not only for their very survival, but for a life worth living.
1. Chapter 1

"We know exactly what you are."

She was shrouded in darkness, something heavy covering her head and face, arms pinned behind her back. Forced to her knees and deprived of her wand she had never felt so helpless in her life. She did not know where they had taken James and the others, she did not know if she would ever see them again, but unable to speak or move, her husband and friends could be on the ground right next to her, and she hated their captors all the more because she had no way of knowing. She felt the enchantment lift from her face alone, and she was able to open her mouth again, to breathe properly, the faceless man before her waiting for a response to his words.

"And what's that?" Her voice was stronger than she had expected it to be. She swallowed and ran her tongue over dry lips.

"You are an abberation. Your blood runs with filth. You should not exist. You have no right to exist." Spoken in a flat tone as though it was rehearsed or had been said many times. The anger inside of her spiked once more.

"I don't want to seem rude" she replied, drawing on the sarcasm that occasionally rubbed off on her from Sirius. "But I like existing."

Whatever had been covering her head disappeared and she was finally allowed to lay eyes on her aggressor, not that it made any difference. The room was dark, and the man before her wore a mask and heavy robes to conceal his identity. As she watched him come towards her and raise his wand she found it strangely comforting that she would know the exact moment that she would die, that it would not come as a surprise. Her magical bonds fell away and she felt the circulation spike back into her arms, tingling almost painfully.

"This is no longer your choice" the man said in an ominous voice as he reached her and pulled her to her feet, his very touch sending up goosebumps all over her body.

She refused to reply, but a strangled cry from the corner of the room made her turn her head and she realized that she had not been separated from the others. They had been shoved one next to the other into a far corner of what she had assumed to be an otherwise empty room and they were all bound and gagged as she had been, indistinguishable one from the other in their dark wizards robes, faces covered.

The death eater chuckled darkly. She shook him off, then stood up as straight as she could despite a strange pain growing in her side, most likely due to their violent capture. She was thinking quickly, estimating her chances.

"You're right" she said finally, matching the man's cold tone of voice with her own. She imagined that he looked surprised, though she had no way of knowing, impassive as his mask appeared to be. He said nothing.

"You're right" she repeated, "I'm a mudblood. Through some strange circumstance at birth I happen to have inherited magical powers just as any pureblood would have, but what right do I have to them? It's unnatural. It goes completely against nature and it weakens the true blood lines. So maybe I shouldn't exist."

Someone behind her was struggling against the enchantment and she instinctively knew that it was James. While the others were listening intently to what she was saying, and thinking of some way to get them out of the situation they were in, James was simply fighting with everything he had to get to her, to stop her from doing what they all knew she was about to do, but there was no other option really. She was buying time. As long as the death eater seemed intent on her she knew that she could keep him going long enough that the others at least might have a chance, for somewhere nearby Mad eye would already be looking for them, might have already come across some of the other death eaters.

He had yet again to stay silent. What she was saying didn't seem to be part of the script and she wasn't sure if she had confused him or if he was just waiting to hear the rest, so she took a deep breath and continued.

"The others" she said, gesturing to James, SIrius, Remus, Peter and Alice behind her, "They are Purebloods, all of them, and if you kill them you will be wasting so much clean blood when there are so few of you left. "

And now it was time for some unlikely convincing. Everything hung on the gullibility of this one death eater for if the others could leave now they might avoid his friends.

"You should let them go. It's my fault that they're here. I lied to them, manipulated them, and even put enchantments on them to convince them to help me, to make them want to help me, but I can't let them die for my mistakes. Let them go. They can carry on the pureblood line. You need them..."

Her voice was cut off and she was unable to move her lips once more. Time. all they needed was a little more time.

And then, very suddenly the old building was shaken by what could have only been a massive explosion that threw her forward into the death eater and sent them both flying across the room. The other prisoners tumbled forward, knocking into each other and landing on their shoulders and faces in unfortunate ways as large bricks and beams fell around them, thankfully missing the defenseless group.

And Lily saw what she knew would be her only chance. Still in shock, blinded by dust and blood she pulled herself up from the floor, spotting the death eater as he made to raise himself nearby, his wand broken into at least three pieces next to him, and she took the opportunity to kick him as hard as she could in the side of the head, sending him back to the ground.

"Lily!"

With the casting wand broken the spell had lifted from the others and she turned, just able to see them through the cloud of dust and debris, pulling at the covers over their heads, getting to their feet slowly, most of them with bloody noses and various other injuries.

"Lily!"

"I'm here. I'm fine!" she called to them.

She ducked down once more to ensure her opponent was at the very least unconscious then dug inside his cloak, withdrawing a handful of wands, all of which had thankfully survived whatever blast had shaken the building. Someone was scrambling over a fallen beam behind her and before she had even managed to rise to her feet she felt hands grabbing her and James was hugging her and she realized that she had never expected to see him or feel him again. But she was still alive, and she could feel his heart beating, and smell his sweat, and he was right there and she was still alive, they all were.

He pulled her to her feet then and she saw the look on his face for the first time and it made her flinch, the fear and the pain, and she could only imagine what it might have been like had the situation been reversed, had she had to be the one to sit and listen to James try to convince someone to kill him so that she could go free.

"Don't you ever..."

"I'm sorry"

Both of their voices were shaky. It seemed that he couldn't have let her go if he wanted to. She held out the wands as they reached the others who retrieved their own and hugged her in turn, James still holding her hand as if they were actually attached together.

The door sprang open and they all turned, wands at the ready, to find Mad Eye, Dorcas and Caradoc framed in the doorway.

"Well, it's about time we found you" Caradoc announced cheerfully. "Searched nearly every bloody room for you lot, and there's more than one or two doors to look behind, let me tell you! Did you feel that explosion a minute ago. Got a little bored with dueling those useless bloody idiots, thought we'd speed things up a bit. Y'all right?" he asked, lighting his wand and sending it over their stunned faces.


	2. Chapter 2

"I could do it" Sirius offered determinedly, ignoring Moody's quizzical look. The door opened and James appeared, Harry cradled in one arm, bottle of fireqhiskey in his free hand.

"Potter" Moody said, electric eye following his movements as he approached. "I didn't realize our boy here had such a sense of humor.

James raised an eyebrow. "Who, Sirius? No, he doesn't have one." He lowered Harry into his bassinet, then offered up the bottle to the others.

"I'm actually be quite serious here" Sirius said, holding up a hand when James opened his mouth to make the obvious joke. "She wants me dead more than anything. You could use me as bait, lure her in, and trap her when she thinks she thinks-"

"No!"

The three men turned to see Lily stand in the door, glaring at them all.

"What?" James asked, but she ignored him.

"Come on, Sirius, do you know what happens to bait? It gets eaten alive." She said furiously, coming to stand across from him. "You always think you're so indestructible...it's like you haven't realized that this isn't just stupid kid stuff anymore, that there are people who are relying on you-" she broke off, then turned away, scooped a sleeping Harry from the place where James had laid him and hurried from the room before anyone could say anything else. The three of them stared at one another for a moment before James made to stand up. "I should go talk to her."

"No, I should do it." James shrugged as Sirius stood uneasily and made his way from the room.

"That girl's got a lot of love for you idiots" Moody commented lightly, bypassing James' firewhiskey for his own flask. James smiled. "Yes she does." He raised his glass. "Were lucky to have her."


	3. Chapter 3

James sunk into the chair next to his friend, face flushed, fists balled in anger as he forced himself to calm down. The front door slammed on the floor below and they all knew that Lily was long gone. When she would be back was anyone's guess, it wasn't the first time.

"What happened, mate?" Sirius asked sympathetically from in front of the fireplace. Three concerned faces stared back at him as he looked around the room.

"I'm not entirely sure she's going to come back this time."

"Oh come on now" Peter tried with false enthusiasm, "You've fought before, she always comes back, she even forgives you for all the stupid things you say."

"Ya well, add another one to that list."

"How bad can it be really? She knows you" Sirius offered reassuringly, "She'll come around. It's just the pregnancy and hormones and things making her crazy and you're an easy target, right?"

James grimaced.

"She says I ought to have told her about the prophecy right from the start, that I was overprotective and this couldn't work if I was going to lie to her..."

He ran his hand through his hair with a sigh, looking up in time to catch Sirius and Remus exchanging a significant look.

"What?" he demanded.

"Well" Remus started slowly, "You know where I stood on this from the beginning Prongs, so I don't have to tell you I agree with her."

"Well gee thanks, that's really helpful right now" he said sarcastically. "But unfortunately that's not the worst of it."

"You said something stupid and insensitive, didn't you?" Remus asked as though he already knew the answer. James nodded.

"Spit it out then" SIrius said.

He sighed and lowered his head into his hands, rubbing them over his face. He felt as though he hadn't slept in days, nothing was going right...

"Basically I told her that she'd be dead by now if it wasn't for me."

Three stony faces as his friends considered the stupidity of his words.

"And what did she say?" Peter asked finally.

"She told me to do something unpleasant with my antlers that I'd rather not repeat."


	4. Chapter 4

James certainly wasn't new to the feeling of adrenaline rushing through his veins as he bolted forwards, but there was something new burning inside of him as he watched his friend writhe and scream in pain, saw the determination in Lily's emerald eyes as they moved simultaneously to the defence. It was something that he had never felt during a quidditch match, or performing a prank, or even illegally transforming and running wild with a werewolf. It was something much different that swelled in his chest and spurred him onwards, towards Lily and the Slytherins who had finally gone too far. With not a thought in his head of danger or a single consideration for himself James Potter leapt into his first real battle, his best friend on his heels.

Mary's pain echoed down the otherwise silent and deserted street, tearing into him at the same moment that his wand came up, seeming to act on it's own accord, and with an explosion of sound and light, Mulciber was blasted off of his feet, sailing a good twenty feet to collide with a brick wall. His wand, still trained on it's victim, fell to the ground, useless without it's bearer. Mary's screams fell to whimpers but none of her friends were in a position to comfort her.

As Avery and the masked wizard spun to meet their attackers James caught sight of four more death eaters as they hurried around the corner at the end of the street. Sirius shot a stunner that flew past Lily's ear but missed one of the oncoming death eaters by inches. Green light erupted from the wand of the one that stood nearest them and James leapt to the side to avoid it, dragging his friend with him. Lily's cry of "Stupefy" had the man spinning even as his own curse hit the chimney of a nearby building, sending rubble to the street, but it was too late as the stunning spell hit him in the chest and he collapsed. A roar of fury from the approaching death eaters warned James of their next target and as their wands came up James raised his own, shouting "Protego" so that their well aimed curses bounced away from Lily, causing considerable damage to a nearby flower bed and forcing one of their conjurers to leap out of the way.

"Crucio" one of the men shouted as he neared, but this time Lily was able to block the spell herself, and it rebounded upon it's originator, ineffective.

"Impedimenta" she retaliated and the larger of the two death eaters was stopped in his tracks. Sirius, who had been sparring with Avery swore loudly as the Slytherin turned towards Mary once more, clearly intent on finishing what his friend had started. Mary, who was just raising herself out of the dirt was forced to roll to the side so that the curse hit the ground, sending dust and debris into the air. Sirius leapt between them, intent on removing the muggle born from harms way. James and Lily stood side by side, shooting spells and hexes at the fully grown wizards.

"Expelliarmus!"

The death eater's wand was freed from his grasp, landing next to one of his downed comrades. James' view was momentarily blocked by the cloud of dust that had risen, forcing him to cough and squint through the blockage.

"Enervate! Enervate!" A furious and somewhat familiar female voice sounded, bringing her friends back to their feet. James charged her, but the woman seemed to be expecting him and he was thrown through the air, his breath knocked from his lungs as he hit a fence post and he felt, or heard something crack inside of him.

Sirius shouted "Prongs" and Lily "James" at the same time as Avery's gleeful, triumphant voice cried " Sectumsempra!"

Lily fell with a strangled cry and the next moment the air was rent with the sound of many people disapparating.

Flinching, James forced himself to his feet and stared around the quiet lane. The death eaters were gone. Avery and Mulciber were gone. He stumbled forward. Mary was leaning over Lily's still frame and Sirius was standing over them both, looking horror struck, still scanning the area, wand held aloft.

And then James saw the blood. It was flowing out from Lily's body, dark and crimson and clean. As he came closer and fell to his knees beside her he could make out the deep gashes and cuts in her upper torso from which the blood poured, like nothing he had ever seen, nothing he had ever been taught to deal with, and for the first time in his life he felt woefully helpless and unprepared.

And so James did the only thing that he could think of. Disregarding magic and any attempts at healing her, knowing from experience that that sort of thing was best left to Madam Pomfrey, he hefted Lily up into his arms, as the blood continued to pour over both of them and his broken body protested, turned and took off running up to the school. Sirius overtook him as they hit the main street, hurrying past, and James hoped that someone would be waiting once he reached the school.

Screams and gasps issued from shoppers and passersby as they tore down the road, Mary soon falling behind, her body weak from the curse. James stumbled under Lily's weight, but forced himself back to his feet, his heartbeat slamming in his ears. He was far too slow, he knew, as more and more blood coursed from Lily's body and he cursed himself for all the magical options he had neglected in carrying her back up to the school but it was too late for regrets as the front gates to the school swung open, admitting him and the girl he held in his arms. Her face had gone white from blood loss, her lips blue but James refused to even consider the fact that he might just be hauling a corpse.

His legs shook as he reached the front steps, nearly buckling beneath him, but years of Quidditch conditioning had not been for nothing and he reached the landing with relief. The great oak doors swung open as though of their own accord and he stumbled into the cool, shadowy castle. Cries of shock rose from the small groups of students who were standing nearby, dawdling in the entrance hall on their way to other things.

He could no longer support Lily's weight, his whole body cringing as he eased himself to the floor, cradling her lifeless form in his arms, as Cloe and Owen pushed the onlookers back, clearing some much needed air.

"James!"

He looked up in relief. Professor McGonagall was hurrying down the stairs with Sirius right behind her. The crowd parted and McGonagall blanched. Turning for but an instant, two shimmering silvery cats shot from her wand, back in the direction she had come.

"All of you, back to your dorms" McGonagall shouted furiously, hurrying forward for a closer look. As the other students distanced themselves regretfully James' eye was drawn to a thin dark shape that stood framed in the entrance to the dungeons. He had never seen Severus Snape looking so terrified, but there was something else in the other boy's eyes, something akin to guilt, unless he was very much mistaken. Snivellus turned and disappeared.

"James, you have to let her go." McGonagall spoke softly but urgently, forcing him to focus once again on the horror in his arms, on the blood, and Lily. Lily's blood. He was soaked through to the skin in Lily's blood. Was it possible for a person to survive so much blood loss?

Once again there was movement on the stairs and James looked up, relief flowing through him. Dumbledore. If there was anyone who could fix what had happened it was Dumbledore, who was looking more frightening than James had ever seen him, something seething in the usually sparkling eyes. McGonagall had conjured a stretcher, was speaking to him, words that he could not quite distinguish through the sound of his own heartbeat, and then with a rush as his eyes met Dumbledore's for one brief instant, as the old man leaned down over James and Lily and James finally allowed Sirius to pry his arms from the other Gryffindor and ease her on to the stretcher, everything cleared and he came back to himself fully.

Mary appeared in the doorway and Sirius caught her before she could collapse on the cold stone. Dumbledore's wand was moving through the air above Lily's wounds again and again, and he seemed to be chanting, his voice too low to make out the words. Madam Pomfrey was hurrying down the staircase towards them, and gave a cry of shock as she caught sight of the scene over Dumbledore's shoulder.

And then Dumbledore was walking away, Lily's stretcher born before him, Madam Pomfrey hovering over her. Sirius was leading Mary behind them, and James finally rose once more, ignoring his body's protests, trailing after the morbid procession at McGonagall's side, wondering just how many Hogwarts students the death eaters had managed to recruit...


	5. Chapter 5

"Evans" James slurred, rising to his feet rather awkwardly, swaying unsteadily until he found his balance. Lily looked on, waiting for the drunk to speak. Her arms were crossed and she couldn't help the quiet smirk that was firmly in place on his lips.

"Yes, Potter?" she asked finally when it seemed that he had forgotten why he had stood up. He swiveled around, clearly surprised yet still delighted to see her standing there, as though he had just caught sight of her.

"I just wanted to say..." he began, trailing off and running his hand through his hair distractedly. "I just wanted to say..."

"Go on" she encouraged him patiently.

"I just wanted to say that one of these days you'll realize what you've been missing out on and you'll come...you'll come running to me, an- it might just be too late."

The other three marauders fell silent and turned to stare between James and Lily, who's mouth was hanging open, as it was the last thing she had expected him to say. Finally she seemed to collect herself, her sharp tongue eager for a retort.

"You know, Potter, you're cute, but selfish, and narcissistic to the point of near delusion."

"Lily!" Mary called from across the common room where she had managed a pair of armchairs next to the fireplace. Lily gave them all a cheery smile then turned and flounced away to join her friend. James fell back into his chair.

"That was harsh" Remus offered as the four of them watched her walk away.

"Tough luck mate" Sirius said, returning to the game of wizards chess he was winning against a nearly unconscious Peter.

"She thinks I'm cute" James said, grinning around at his friends.


	6. Chapter 6

"Come on then, I'm starved" Sirius said, urging them on, prodding Peter between the shoulder blades to speed him up the street. Lily gazed about the sleepy town with great interest, picturing a younger version of the marauders playing there, maybe making nuisances of themselves with the neighbors. With his free hand James waved to an old woman who perched in a rocking chair on the porch of a charming little house, who scowled back at them suspiciously as they passed, following them with narrowed eyes, which confirmed for Lily her suspicions that James had been less than the towns golden boy.

She felt butterflies in her stomach at the thought of meeting his parents. Certainly she had seen them at the train station but had never gotten around to saying so much as a hello which was hardly surprising considering the history of her relationship with James. He grabbed her from behind then, spinning her in a circle before allowing her to regain her footing, then threw his arm over her shoulders as they came to a halt next to a high gate at the end of the lane where the others had stopped to wait for them.

Lily ran her hand down one of the ornate bars, gazing through them into a host of large trees that threw shade over paths and gardens and stone statues. She spotted a pond farther in.

"What a beautiful park" she said, turning back to the others, "why is it closed?"

Sirius and Remus exchanged half a glance, and Peter snickered before a smack to the back of the head from James silenced him.

"What?" she asked, confused and annoyed to be missing whatever it was that they shared.

She looked at James. "Where's your house then? What are we doing here?"

"Lily, this is where my parents live" he said quickly, gesturing to the wrought iron gate and the gardens beyond. He seemed to flinch slightly as he met her gaze.

"You're joking?"

Sirius grinned and extracted his wand from his jeans pocket.

"Can we get on with this then?" he asked, and without waiting for an answer he turned, tapped the plate where a key might go twice with his wand and the gate made a faint clicking sound before swinging open to admit them.

Lily's butterflies had very suddenly turned to panic, a feeling that continued to grow , her jaw dropping as James and the others led her under the canopy of trees, chatting just as they always did, down a path that wound around the pond, past several fabulous gardens and what could only be...

"Is that you?" She asked incredulously, coming to a halt next to what could only be...

But James just laughed. "No, of course not Lily, that's my grandfather, or great-grandfather or something...now I think of it maybe an uncle." He shrugged, utterly uninterested in the bust of a man's head and shoulders that stood on a stone pedestal.

"Oi, you two coming? What's the hold up?" Peter called from up ahead and Lily looked up just in time to get another shock.

"You didn't think to mention that you were incredibly rich? You said your parents had boring ministry jobs" she said, spotting what could only be described as a large stone manor house up ahead.

James shrugged again. "They do."

"Lily, You do know that the Potter's are one of the oldest wizarding families, don't you?" Sirius asked her, clearly amused by her surprise.

"Yes, I knew that, I just didn't know that that came with a mansion."

"It's not a mansion" James protested defensively, but Lily ignored him, staring up at the grand building ahead of her, open mouthed.

"How long do you think this is going to take?" Sirius asked, glancing at his watch.

"And to think, this is only the summer house" Remus said casually, leaning back against a tree, hands in his pockets.

"He's only joking Lily" James assured her quickly, trying to ease her, but her mind was elsewhere.

"Look at me" she said suddenly, staring down at her clothes, which she had chosen for their convenient cleanliness, an old pair of jeans and a tank top, an outfit which seemed much more out of place for meeting her boyfriends important parents than they had on the train from school or even when she had pictured Mr. and Mrs. Potter as more of a magical version of her own parents. " What are your parents going to think?" She glared at James accusingly

"Lily, my parents aren't like that, I promise, alright. Everything's going to be fine, trust me."

This seemed easy for him to say. He kissed her, then turned back towards the house. Remus pushed away from the tree and matched her pace.

"They really aren't like that" he assured her. "Look at me. How do you think I felt the first time I came here. Sure, I'm not dating him, but it's really something for me when two people like the Potter's are perfectly fine with their son spending the majority of his time with a werewolf from a poor family. Just take it easy." He smiled. "Besides, their not home."

"They're...they're not... home?" she asked.

"They'll be at work until later, probably much later" James explained.

Sirius glanced over his shoulder. "We thought it would be easier for you to have a trial run, see? Get over the initial shock of all this?"

"Because just telling me beforehand would have been far too difficult?" she asked sarcastically but they all just grinned at each other as she followed them up the steps to the large double doors that opened on their own onto a wide hallway lined with photographs and paintings and heavy wooden doors save for the one on her left, double glass doors that led into a cozy sitting room. A staircase led to the floors above.

She stopped for a moment to admire the entranceway, her mouth still hanging open, then trailed after the others down the hall and around the corner, already feeling as though she would quickly get lost if she were left on her own, and made to follow Peter into the sunny open kitchen, but James caught her by the waist.

"You guys make yourselves comfortable" he told the others unnecessarily. Remus had pushed open the doors to the adjoining patio and thrown himself down in a deck chair, Peter had his hand stuck in a cookie jar and Sirius had already disappeared into the pantry.

"Alright then" James said, turning back to her, "Shall I give you a tour?"

"I think I might need more than one." She said. James smiled.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you" he said, guiding her up the stairs. "Being...rich, being a Potter, it changes things, it changes everything, so I never know who my real friends are."

"James..."

"Oh, I don't mean them" he said, reading her surprised tone and gesturing back down the stairs. "Their my family Lily." He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know... Then you came along and who I was meant nothing to you and I had a chance to be more than just a Potter, more than just my parents son, you know. Granted I blew it for the most part, apparently I wasn't as good at being decent as I thought I was cause for the most part I didn't have to be."

"But you are James."

He raised an eyebrow.

"You are now. Maybe you always were and just failed at showing it."

He gave a half smile but didn't respond. They had come into a large drawing room with great windows that overlooked the gardens below and Lily felt as though she was in a palace. She leaned against the window ledge and James wrapped his arms around her.

"I hate to admit it, but you really do have a beautiful home" she said. James chuckled into her hair. She let him kiss her neck for a moment before drawing back.

"James, do you think we'll be back?"

"I'm sorry?" he asked, preoccupied.

"I know that after we leave my house next week I may never go back. I might never see my parents again after Petunia's wedding, and I know it's for the better, that they're safer that way, but that hasn't really been helping much."

His arms tightened around her and he looked up, meeting her gaze with dark eyes, and she wanted him to say something that would relieve the knot in the base of her stomach but she knew there was nothing anyone could really say to make her feel better about abandoning her family, whatever the reasons, even for their own good.

"This isn't going to last forever Lily" he said finally, "It can't. Nothing does."

A sudden chill traveled up her spine and she drew away from the window.

"I want to see your room" she said, sounding overly cheerful even to herself. They headed back into the hall and it turned out that there were another three staircases to climb before they reached a door down a hallway covered in wall hangings and thick curtains, a door that matched all the others around it but had a J burned into the wood above the latch.

"So you can find which one is yours?" Lily asked, hands resting on James' back, watching as he used his wand to unlock the door.

"Yes actually" he said.

"Funny, I've never had that problem in my house. And when I say my house, I mean I live in what would actually be defined as a house."

James grinned."Are you ready?" he asked in a mysterious voice. "I do believe you will be the first girl ever to be allowed to enter...except my mother...and the house elf."

"I find that hard to believe."

"Ya, well we have a ton of guest bedrooms on the ground floor that I found were better suited to-"

Lily put up a hand. "I'm changing the subject" she said quickly. "You have a house elf?"

"But of course. Now, shall we?"

"But of course."

James opened the door with a flourish and beckoned her through. She expected to find a bedroom on the other side but found herself instead in another corridor, though this one was quite narrow, dark and empty. She glanced uncertainly over her shoulder wondering if James hadn't opened the wrong door by mistake but he just smiled and closed the door behind them, throwing the area into complete darkness. Then quite suddenly a number of torches lit up all along the walls, guiding her several meters to a winding stone staircase at the top of which was a trapdoor that she might have knocked her head against had James not moved passed her and thrown it open. Already in awe, Lily stepped out and stared around at what James so easily called a bedroom in wonder. Sure there was a bed, shoved up under a slanting ceiling that was made up almost entirely of a glass skylight showing off the darkening sky outside and a few brave stars. It sat on a raised platform that ran along one side of the room to a set of steps up to another section that was crowded with sofas and a number of bookshelves, complete with ladder to reach the highest volumes. There was a desk covered in old schoolbooks and every wall seemed to be plastered with quidditch or Gryffindor paraphenalia as well as dozens of photographs of the Marauders and even some with Lily herself in them, mostly taken since the sixth year when she had begun to spend time with them.

There were books everywhere, though everything was tidy, suggesting the house elf had been there, and there were charts and plans pinned to the walls or lying on available surfaces that she was sure might be for inventions of sorts, as she spotted one that appeared to be an early failed attempt at the marauders map that clearly didn't function.

"Well, what do you think?"

She turned to James who was watching her apprehensively, as though he had anything to worry about. She thought of her own bedroom and how boring her home seemed in comparison to this one. She wondered what James would think when he saw it.


	7. Chapter 7

Dark figures moved freely around them in the shadows. Waves of smiling faces, the sound of laughter and... The music pulsed endlessly, drawing her under it's spell as the alcohol met her blood stream, making her bold, and happy, allowing her to overlook reality for several long moments at a time, to imagine that these happy hours would last forever, that the smiles she saw on the faces around her would never melt away.

One minute she was sitting at a small candlelit table, chairs crowded around it to accommodate all five of them, and Sirius was handing her another shot of firewhiskey and James was frowning at her but she was leaning against his shoulder and his arms were around her, his fingers twisting in her hair... She didn't remember standing up but next thing she knew they were on the dance floor and he was holding her waist and the music was inside her head and when she turned in his arms the whole world passed her by in slow motion and fell away and he was doing his best to keep her on her feet, laughing and then the warm evening air hit her face and she was outside. She had the impression that some time had passed but it was all a blur and she was beginning to feel things again as she moved down the stone steps and away from the school, away from the noise and the hordes of people, the friends she would never see again.

"Lily."

He was standing at the top of the steps looking down on her with that irritating look of concern that he had begun to develop after the incident in Hogsmeade. His dark hair was mussed and his white shirt was creased, several of the buttons undone, probably her doing. His sleeves were shoved up to his elbows and she could just make out the long thin scar that wrapped up his arm from his wrist, the light catching it as he made his way down to her.

"What are you doing out here alone?" he asked, clearly on edge, and he sounded angry, but she read it as fear, because one thing they had learned the hard way was that even Hogwarts wasn't entirely safe for someone like her, and she could see it in his eyes, that she should know better than to wander off on her own, and for a moment she wanted to yell at him, to tell him that she had a right to feel safe there, that she couldn't always have her guard up because it was exhausting and anyone who wanted to could bring it on and it was all so unfair, but she didn't say any of it because she was drunk and because no one knew any of these things as well as James did, but none of it changed anything so she just turned away.

"I'm going for a walk" was all she said and she didn't need to glance over her shoulder to know that he was right there behind her because he was always there, and she moved farther away from the party with James trailing her like a shadow, the tension in her whole body lifting as they put distance between themselves and the castle and she had no idea where she was leading him, nor did she care.

"Lily, stop."

She didn't like it when people told her what to do, even though she was feeling lightheaded once more, her last few drinks finally coming to meet her. She heard James say her name once more. To her right she could make out Hagrid's darkened cabin and she wondered vaguely how late it was. Ahead of her...

James grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her around to face him. She stumbled and collided with him so that he was forced to steady her, still gripping her arm.

"You're not going in there" he said in a commanding voice, which was confusing, and it took her a long moment, looking around in surprise, for her to see that they were on the very edge of the forbidden forest. She hadn't had any real intention of entering the forest, but James' words were like a challenge to her drunken mind and it seemed as good a plan as any because she was feeling reckless and out of control.

"I need to do something please" she said, but she didn't wait for his answer. She was looking up at the stars and pulling away from him and then she was spinning in circles because she couldn't concentrate and all she wanted was to smile again as the tiny specs of light moved in unlikely circles high above her head and she was hearing laughter which could only be her own as the dizziness wiped her thoughts and she kept spinning faster and faster until she inevitably lost her balance, and, unsurprisingly, was caught by firm hands and set upright. Her eyes kept spinning for a moment but then she was able to focus on James' face as he wrapped his arms around her, drawing her closer, and he seemed to be smiling in spite of himself. She shivered involuntarily. She hadn't noticed the chill until she was cocooned in his body heat.

"We should go inside" James said, rubbing her back, but she shook her head vigorously. She wasn't ready to go back in just yet.

"Well at the very least stop with the spinning" he ordered, "You're going to make yourself throw up" he said, cocking his head to the side. "You're very strange when you're drunk, you know. You don't make a lot of sense."

"At least I don't get all serious and moody and uptight" she said, curling her fingers into the collar of his shirt.

"I'm not drunk" he told her lightly, unphased.

"Would you like to be?"

She had felt the flask that he kept in his back pocket on special occasions and fished it out quickly, noting the full weight in her hand and dancing away as James groaned and came after her. Laughing, she fumbled with the cap but she was too slow, his fingers closing tightly around her wrist.

"I think you've had enough" he said in a low voice, advancing on her. She was stopped by something solid behind her and she realized that he had backed her into a tree, flattening her to the trunk. His eyes were dark and narrowed and he held her wrists above her head as he leaned in, pausing at the point where she could feel his hot breath against her lips and she raised her head to meet his, her lips parting eagerly.


	8. Chapter 8

I could have gone a lifetime without knowing, without believing. My life could have been simple, safe, happy, unspectacular...boring. Born a witch in an otherwise non magic family I would quickly learn that I was destined for something more than to grow up and become a house wife or school teacher like my grandmother and mother before me. And so, on my nineteenth birthday I found myself standing in the rubble of a fallen building, surrounded by the screams and flashes of light of the battle that raged around me. Lightheaded from blood loss and smoke, fueled with adrenaline and cold fury, I found that candles and birthday gifts were the farthest thing from my mind.

This was never the life that my parents had imagined for me, nor that I had imagined for myself, young as I had been when I had first discovered what I was capable of. Back then magic had been purely wonderous, good, enchanting, despite what my sister already saw in the tricks that I did. I didn't understand then, and surely wouldn't for quite some time that there was so much more to it than what my childish brain was capable of imagining. For this was a way of life, and every way of life will at one time or another come under attack and need to be defended, or else perish. Had I been born a mere generation or two earlier than perhaps the wonder and discovery would have lasted longer as I became comfortable in my new life. But from the day I stepped foot in Hogwarts, wide eyed and naive, my head full of the stories that my friend had told me of the world from which he had come and that I now belonged I could sense that I was different.

It was a subtle difference at first, something insubstantial that no normal eleven year old has the knowledge or ability to grasp, but as the years passed and the dark arts and Voldemort himself began to gain power and followers beyond the walls of the school, there was something that was growing inside the castle as well.

Of all the bad things that I had to say about James Potter when we were at school together, the one thing I couldn't help but notice was his pure, unadulterated hatred of the dark arts. Childish pranks on the Slytherins turned to out and out war as we reached our final years at school and it was this absolute intolerance for evil that made Dumbledore trust him so firmly and award him head boy, for as this position had once meant little more than who had the best grades in the school it had become political, a real stand in defense of the school and what it stood for.

My nineteenth birthday came to an end as I threw myself behind the remains of a brick wall to avoid a killing curse that was sent my way by the death eater I had been dueling.


	9. Chapter 9

"You've caused us a great deal of trouble" he said quietly, towering over me in the the semi darkness that worked wonders for inspiring fear and awe, the shadows dancing around the clearing eerily alive and threatening.

"Well, that's some consolation then" I said, surprising myself. It was very hard to say and sounded feeble even to me, but at least it made him look a little bit annoyed, it was the least he could do when I was trying so hard to remain calm and logical as losing my head could only hurt at this point.

He chose to ignore my cheeky comment and turned to face the trees, waiting. For what, I did not know, and maybe it was better that way, for I knew the kind of creatures that the death eaters made use of and decided I would rather be surprised when the time came.

I could feel the energy draining from my body as the sun rose, and despite my fear and worry my head began to droop against my chest. The blood dried on my face and I was having trouble keeping my one good eye open. I spat bloody saliva onto the ground every once in awhile, gently feeling the spot where a tooth had been knocked out with the tip of my tongue. My legs were asleep after hours of kneeling on the hard ground and my hands had gone numb from being bound behind my back.

It turned out that my captor had not been waiting for any of the magical creatures that I had imagined being eaten by during the night, but only one of his masked pals, a shorter and rather wider fellow who filled out his robes a little too well, not that I had much time to dwell on this of course, for the newer death eater hardly spared his friend a glance before crossing the clearing and yanking me unexpectedly to my feet.

Needless to say it was a good few minutes before I was capable of supporting my own weight, as much as I hated having to lean on the heavy death eater, but once I could stand on my own he began to push me ahead of him and back into the trees in the direction he had just come from, mindless of my injuries or the fact that I could barely see the ground beneath my feet.

It was better than the sitting and waiting at least. Marching through the trees meant that something was happening, that I was headed somewhere, and maybe things would start to get rolling from there. I couldn't handle another night kneeling in the forest or wondering what had happened to my friends. And as I stumbled through the trees I began to spot things that I recognized and was finally able to place myself in the grand scheme of the forest, from a fallen tree that had slit in two to the pair that Sirius had pointed out that had grown and twisted together until they had become one.

At one point I even caught sight of a set of footprints that might have been my own from the night before but despite the fact that it's generally a great pleasure to discover where you are, this time it only raised a number of sticky questions, like, where were the others and how could I prevent life as I knew it from ending?


	10. Chapter 10

It's the kind of place that seems gloomy even in the brightest light, where shadows seem to have a life of their own, where you might stumble upon a creature that you have never seen before. This is the place where hope fails and happiness dies, where trust and honor fall prey to fear. But there is something more powerful than the darkness that lingers over this quiet place, something that the men there do not feel or understand, something that is held only by their prisoner and the four boys who look on from some distance where they are crouched behind a fallen tree. It is love, for her, and for each other, love that makes each of them brave and strong, that holds them in place, without fear. And yet still they are running out of time. It is too late for many things, to warn the others, to get help, to plan a rescue. They can feel the mood in the air, they can hear the whispers. They watch and listen as the men below laugh and nudge each other.

"Have you heard, their going to kill the mudblood. It's about time too..."

"I hear she's one of the old man's puppets. We'll have to see how he likes it when we send her corpse to him in a sack."

"Do you think the dark lord is coming?"

"For one measly little mudblood, surely not."

By now their absence will have been noted but there is nothing they can do. They continue to wait, exchanging the occasional glance.

It is the tent that they watch most closely from their viewpoint above the clearing. Men go in and out, and each time they strain their necks to see within before the flap falls back into place. Once, the smallest of them thinks he sees a flash of red before the view is blocked once more but on further inquiry he is not so sure.

It is hours before anything happens. Once they hear screams from below and the leader is eager to reveal themselves then and there, to take their chances, but his friends hold him back as silence falls once more. They have to wait, to know for sure.

And then what they are truly waiting for is revealed. She is dragged from the tent by a large masked man, cheered and taunted by those who are gathered around them. Her hair hangs around her face, obscuring it, and she moves limply as though beaten. From the moment she appears it is all the three can do to contain their friend. They know it is time.

In the clearing the redhead stares down at her feet, letting them think that she has given up, that they have won, that she will go to her death meekly. They do not know that this is not her style, or that she has more to live for than all of them combined. They do not know that she will fight to her last breath, that this is not the first time that someone has attempted to break her.

The man who holds her speaks to his fellows but she does not hear the words. Laughter rings through the clearing and she knows she will soon be out of chances. If her friends have failed to find her than she will have to save herself.

She feels the point of the mans wand dig into her throat but she does not see it for her eyes are closed. She is taking what is possibly her last moment to think of the people she loves, to take strength from imagining them there with her, and then, with a deep breath she plunges forward into her captor. His wand scratches her skin but snaps as it meets her collarbone. The man cries out in anger but his friends are still laughing, laughing at the last bid for freedom of the lonely little girl they mean to kill, who won't make it more than three feet even if she does manage to kill this man who none of them particularly like anyway, and so they continue to laugh as she sinks her fist in his throat and her knee in his stomach, they laugh as he roars with fury, as she dances from his grasp. They stop laughing as sparks begin to rain down on them from every direction.


	11. Chapter 11

They had told him to let it go, ordered him even, but it hadn't been as though they were watching him, and he had slipped away without so much as the aid of his invisibility cloak, though it was tucked inside his jacket in any case should he need to disappear at a moment's notice.

Of course, he knew better than anyone that he shouldn't be there, as he was the only one who knew the whole truth.

Family was everything, or so his father had once told him, and for all the respect he had for the man, he had known even then that he was wrong. In his experience, it was the people you chose, not the people who shared your blood that you could rely on most fiercely, and he knew that his friends would agree. And Lily? What would she have to say if she knew what he was doing while she slept soundly in their bed, unaware that he had slid away into the night?

He had never liked plans. A pre determined outcome could only mean the possibility of failure, and that was something that he couldn't allow. In the order, with so many people and variables involved in every operation, planning and precision were a necessary evil in the organization and priority of life. On his own however he was more than capable of taking on challenges as they came and to face his enemy head on. Now he stood at the end of the long winding lane, lined on either side with rundown houses and broken streetlamps. He could see the light on in the house at the end, and he could picture the dark, hook nosed haired boy haunting the rooms inside, thinking about her when he had no business to.


End file.
